Renton, WA -— Fueled by hatred and speculation, sentiment is growing increasingly strong among the members of Magic: The Gathering’s Level 2 Pro Players that they should invade the floor above them, inhabited by the Level 3 Pros.

A series of passionate speeches by the informal leader of Level 2, former World Champion Carlos Romao, have ignited long-simmering resentment in the second floor of the six-floor Pro Players building in Renton, Washington. “I was the World Champion just three years ago,” Romao said in a late-night speech to the assembled 61 members of Level 2 last week, “and do you know what that asshole Fabiano called me today? ‘A piece of shit deuce’!” After allowing the resulting shouting to die down, he continued, “Well, I say we’ve been taking their shit for too long. I, for one, will not be spoken to that way by those goddamn treys any longer!”

Wild rumors have begun to circle among the three-score Level 2 players that those in Level 3 are given preferential treatment. “I hear they have a free soda pop machine,” said Matt P. Hansen, formerly of Iowa. “They also had a pool table, until they got rid of it after the Tim Aten incident.”

Others complain of taunting, harassment, and outright insult. “That bitch at the door to Level 3 thinks she’s so great,” said Jack Stanton of Salt Lake City, Utah. “She’s always looking down her nose at us like we’re beneath them. Plus she probably weighs two hundred pounds and she has a huge wart on her nose. But who am I kidding, I would still hit it.”

Stores of bio-weapons for potential use against the Level 3 players were reported seen in the Level 2 storage room. When confronted with this report, Romao said, “No, that deodorant and floss is definitely for us. We’re totally going to start showering and, like, paying attention to our hygiene and stuff. You know, right after we finish this draft.”

Voices for peace have attempted to defuse the situation, but to no avail. One level 2 player has taken to wearing hats of a ridiculous nature in order to bring levity to the situation, as well as spread his message of peace and zero-cost spells, but he and others like him seem all but ignored.

A recently installed “border fence” at the top of the stairwell between the floors has only served to increase paranoia and suspicion on Level 2. “Why are they locking us out of there like we’re common criminals?” asked Rafaelle Lo Moro, an Italian and long-time Pro Tour player. “I’m Italian, not Mexican!”

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Renton, WA -— Fueled by hatred and speculation, sentiment is growing increasingly strong among the members of Magic: The Gathering’s Level 2 Pro Players that they should invade the floor above them, inhabited by the Level 3 Pros.

A series of passionate speeches by the informal leader of Level 2, former World Champion Carlos Romao, have ignited long-simmering resentment in the second floor of the six-floor Pro Players building in Renton, Washington. “I was the World Champion just three years ago,” Romao said in a late-night speech to the assembled 61 members of Level 2 last week, “and do you know what that asshole Fabiano called me today? ‘A piece of shit deuce’!” After allowing the resulting shouting to die down, he continued, “Well, I say we’ve been taking their shit for too long. I, for one, will not be spoken to that way by those goddamn treys any longer!”

Wild rumors have begun to circle among the three-score Level 2 players that those in Level 3 are given preferential treatment. “I hear they have a free soda pop machine,” said Matt P. Hansen, formerly of Iowa. “They also had a pool table, until they got rid of it after the Tim Aten incident.”

Others complain of taunting, harassment, and outright insult. “That bitch at the door to Level 3 thinks she’s so great,” said Jack Stanton of Salt Lake City, Utah. “She’s always looking down her nose at us like we’re beneath them. Plus she probably weighs two hundred pounds and she has a huge wart on her nose. But who am I kidding, I would still hit it.”

Stores of bio-weapons for potential use against the Level 3 players were reported seen in the Level 2 storage room. When confronted with this report, Romao said, “No, that deodorant and floss is definitely for us. We’re totally going to start showering and, like, paying attention to our hygiene and stuff. You know, right after we finish this draft.”

Voices for peace have attempted to defuse the situation, but to no avail. One level 2 player has taken to wearing hats of a ridiculous nature in order to bring levity to the situation, as well as spread his message of peace and zero-cost spells, but he and others like him seem all but ignored.

A recently installed “border fence” at the top of the stairwell between the floors has only served to increase paranoia and suspicion on Level 2. “Why are they locking us out of there like we’re common criminals?” asked Rafaelle Lo Moro, an Italian and long-time Pro Tour player. “I’m Italian, not Mexican!”

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• I'll Still Take My Chances Against One of Those Taco-Eaters
• Snobbish Elitists Alarmed That 'Random' Players May Steal Spotlight
• LePine Penalized, Below PT Point Threshold