Niles, IL – Local gamer and self-declared wordsmith Clark Wienis spent most of his time at the Guildpact prerelease Saturday trying to work in a pun around the Orzhov Guild. "I don't go for the easy laughs. Anyone can go for the cheap puns on Izzet or Gruul. When I get a laugh, I make sure the smart guys in the room turn their heads and say, 'There's a man who knows how to make a joke.'"

Wienis began his first attempt after the deck swap. One of the players sitting at his table said, "Is it a good idea to play Izzet?" which prompted some chuckles. Wienis chimed in, "Well, I'm going black-white today. Just call me Boris Orzhov." According to Wienis, the silence that followed his pun was "so thick you couldn’t cut it with a Jitte with 8 counters on it." Wienis said, "Apparently no one at the table had heard of Boris Karloff. Bunch of Philistines."

Another opportunity for wordplay presented itself later in the day, as Wienis found himself involved in a lengthy match against a red green deck. His opponent attacked with an Elves of Deep Shadow into his Orzhov Guildmage. Not wanting to risk a Gather Courage, Wienis didn't block and took a point of damage. After combat, his opponent played a turn two Scab-Clan Mauler, which features the Gruul Guild's bloodthirst mechanic. One onlooker commented, "Oh, that's just Gruul!" Sensing an opportunity and an audience, Wienis picked up his Guildmage and said, "Look at the black and white art on this guy. Orzhov Guildmage? More like Rorschach Guildmage, am I right?" Again, there was silence until Wienis's opponent finally asked him if he could borrow some dice to put two +1/+1 counters on his creature. Wienis later noted, "I thought that one might have been a stretch, but they could have at least pretended it was funny."

After scrubbing out of the tournament, Wienis considered abandoning the Orzhov pun and trying to make a Nephilim pun. He said he stared "long and hard" at a Witch-Maw Nephilim before giving up. "I thought there was a joke in there, but I just couldn’t see it."

Wienis remains undeterred by his failures at this prerelease, noting that he had success at previous prereleases. He claims, "You may not know this, but I'm the one who came up with 'Dimir da merrier.' Yeah, that was me. You probably heard someone say that on the Pro Tour." Wienis smiled, "I've already got some good ones ready for Dissension. Here's a sneak peek: 'Rakdos Cult? Are we getting ready to play a game of pool here? Rakdos cards up, boys!'"

"Anyone?"

"Anyone?"

"Damn."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Guildpact Prerelease This Weekend
• Millionth Phage Joke Made Days After Card Is Released
• Flavor Text Writer Still Congratulating Self Over Deep Analysis

Niles, IL – Local gamer and self-declared wordsmith Clark Wienis spent most of his time at the Guildpact prerelease Saturday trying to work in a pun around the Orzhov Guild. "I don't go for the easy laughs. Anyone can go for the cheap puns on Izzet or Gruul. When I get a laugh, I make sure the smart guys in the room turn their heads and say, 'There's a man who knows how to make a joke.'"

Wienis began his first attempt after the deck swap. One of the players sitting at his table said, "Is it a good idea to play Izzet?" which prompted some chuckles. Wienis chimed in, "Well, I'm going black-white today. Just call me Boris Orzhov." According to Wienis, the silence that followed his pun was "so thick you couldn’t cut it with a Jitte with 8 counters on it." Wienis said, "Apparently no one at the table had heard of Boris Karloff. Bunch of Philistines."

Another opportunity for wordplay presented itself later in the day, as Wienis found himself involved in a lengthy match against a red green deck. His opponent attacked with an Elves of Deep Shadow into his Orzhov Guildmage. Not wanting to risk a Gather Courage, Wienis didn't block and took a point of damage. After combat, his opponent played a turn two Scab-Clan Mauler, which features the Gruul Guild's bloodthirst mechanic. One onlooker commented, "Oh, that's just Gruul!" Sensing an opportunity and an audience, Wienis picked up his Guildmage and said, "Look at the black and white art on this guy. Orzhov Guildmage? More like Rorschach Guildmage, am I right?" Again, there was silence until Wienis's opponent finally asked him if he could borrow some dice to put two +1/+1 counters on his creature. Wienis later noted, "I thought that one might have been a stretch, but they could have at least pretended it was funny."

After scrubbing out of the tournament, Wienis considered abandoning the Orzhov pun and trying to make a Nephilim pun. He said he stared "long and hard" at a Witch-Maw Nephilim before giving up. "I thought there was a joke in there, but I just couldn’t see it."

Wienis remains undeterred by his failures at this prerelease, noting that he had success at previous prereleases. He claims, "You may not know this, but I'm the one who came up with 'Dimir da merrier.' Yeah, that was me. You probably heard someone say that on the Pro Tour." Wienis smiled, "I've already got some good ones ready for Dissension. Here's a sneak peek: 'Rakdos Cult? Are we getting ready to play a game of pool here? Rakdos cards up, boys!'"

"Anyone?"

"Anyone?"

"Damn."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Related Stories

• Guildpact Prerelease This Weekend
• Millionth Phage Joke Made Days After Card Is Released
• Flavor Text Writer Still Congratulating Self Over Deep Analysis