Well, it's about time that I set the record straight on the recent events regarding what happened to me at GP Boston. I really wish this could have been done sooner, but in a way, the delay in this article is probably a blessing - the Magic community probably isn’t ridiculing, mocking, and laughing at me nearly as loud as before.

Basically speaking, I’m been turned into a caricature of my real self in the eyes of the public. What I have to say will fall on deaf ears, then, and I realize that. Obviously, I’m banned, and I’ve been humiliated by the candid photographer Josh Bennett, and I’m generally seen as having the character and intelligence of a giant log of dog shit.

But I still believe that I have enough excuses as to why I could not have cheated to endear me to the community. Come on, guys, I’m just a fun-lovin’ rascal. So without further ado, these are the top 10 reasons why I’m innocent:

10. Wait, you think I was looking at his cards? No, no, there was a chick with a tight ass off to my left, bending over to pick up something. On further examination, it turned out to be Brian Hegstad.

9. Let my track record show, out of two New Orleans events that I have participated in, I only cheated and was disqualified in 50% of them; one outta two ain't bad!

8. Okay, seriously, I swear - Zvi had just whispered to me, "Yo Trey, which one of these is better?"

7. I haven’t bribed anybody in a while!

6. If I cheated, my girlfriend would dump me. We've been on thin ice as it is, since she found out I even played MTG.

5. I’m too worried about getting ridiculed on message boards to risk making an even bigger ass of myself by cheating again.

4. I was planning on sneaking a peek at Zvi’s deck when I went to get land anyways, so why bother during the draft?

3. During deck registration, a guy sitting on my left, Sven, and I were having a pretty bad conversation. I’d never met him before the GP, but he remembered that I had won some Grand Prix with a three-color aggro deck. Sven was sure enough to make an off-base claim that Josh Bennett possessed a photo-editing program on his laptop, and he wrote me an eyewitness testimony, disregarded by Wizards, that Josh could have easily airbrushed in my unscrupulous use of peripheral vision. (I’m saying this because Wizards did not email anything to me concerning the investigation, or what evidence their verdict was founded on.)

2. I can’t even tell if that guy in the picture was me - my fatal mistake. The one thing I am truly guilty of is failing to get a good look at myself. I really wish I would have paid more attention to my physical features at the time, but unfortunately I didn't, and I have only myself to blame for that.

1. At least I didn’t add a Ravenous Baloth to my sealed deck. Fucking cheaters.

In closing, I would like to thank everyone who stayed by my side through the thick and the thin, the people who have not abandoned me, and shown their true undying friendship and dedication. I would like to thank my wonderful girlfriend, who would prefer to go nameless, PTR, Mike Sigrist, Matthew Cory, Mike Guptil, and Seth Burn.


Coming next week!
My Side Of The Story: What Really Happened When I Ate All Those People, by Jeffery Dahmer

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Well, it's about time that I set the record straight on the recent events regarding what happened to me at GP Boston. I really wish this could have been done sooner, but in a way, the delay in this article is probably a blessing - the Magic community probably isn’t ridiculing, mocking, and laughing at me nearly as loud as before.

Basically speaking, I’m been turned into a caricature of my real self in the eyes of the public. What I have to say will fall on deaf ears, then, and I realize that. Obviously, I’m banned, and I’ve been humiliated by the candid photographer Josh Bennett, and I’m generally seen as having the character and intelligence of a giant log of dog shit.

But I still believe that I have enough excuses as to why I could not have cheated to endear me to the community. Come on, guys, I’m just a fun-lovin’ rascal. So without further ado, these are the top 10 reasons why I’m innocent:

10. Wait, you think I was looking at his cards? No, no, there was a chick with a tight ass off to my left, bending over to pick up something. On further examination, it turned out to be Brian Hegstad.

9. Let my track record show, out of two New Orleans events that I have participated in, I only cheated and was disqualified in 50% of them; one outta two ain't bad!

8. Okay, seriously, I swear - Zvi had just whispered to me, "Yo Trey, which one of these is better?"

7. I haven’t bribed anybody in a while!

6. If I cheated, my girlfriend would dump me. We've been on thin ice as it is, since she found out I even played MTG.

5. I’m too worried about getting ridiculed on message boards to risk making an even bigger ass of myself by cheating again.

4. I was planning on sneaking a peek at Zvi’s deck when I went to get land anyways, so why bother during the draft?

3. During deck registration, a guy sitting on my left, Sven, and I were having a pretty bad conversation. I’d never met him before the GP, but he remembered that I had won some Grand Prix with a three-color aggro deck. Sven was sure enough to make an off-base claim that Josh Bennett possessed a photo-editing program on his laptop, and he wrote me an eyewitness testimony, disregarded by Wizards, that Josh could have easily airbrushed in my unscrupulous use of peripheral vision. (I’m saying this because Wizards did not email anything to me concerning the investigation, or what evidence their verdict was founded on.)

2. I can’t even tell if that guy in the picture was me - my fatal mistake. The one thing I am truly guilty of is failing to get a good look at myself. I really wish I would have paid more attention to my physical features at the time, but unfortunately I didn't, and I have only myself to blame for that.

1. At least I didn’t add a Ravenous Baloth to my sealed deck. Fucking cheaters.

In closing, I would like to thank everyone who stayed by my side through the thick and the thin, the people who have not abandoned me, and shown their true undying friendship and dedication. I would like to thank my wonderful girlfriend, who would prefer to go nameless, PTR, Mike Sigrist, Matthew Cory, Mike Guptil, and Seth Burn.


Coming next week!
My Side Of The Story: What Really Happened When I Ate All Those People, by Jeffery Dahmer

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!