Washington, D.C. -- With the announcement of a new design for Magic cards people all over the world have risen up in protest. American nerds and computer programmers with nothing better to worry about are clearly not alone in feeling personally slighted by the radical changes.

“I really need some food. I haven’t eaten a non-gruel meal in like 2 ½ years,” said Djerati Kambela, a farmer in the driest regions of the dusty, war torn country of Ethiopia. “Seriously, I am so hungry I am delusional. Everyone I look at just turns into a big mouth watering ham hock.”

When asked about the new card design Kambela replied: “What? What is Magic? Is that some kind of new poker? Sure, the cards looks stupid, but then again you look like a talking glazed turkey to me.”

Similar opinions were expressed all over the world.

When asked about the new card design imprisoned Chinese democracy protester Chin Wei Chang had this to say: “Sure, sure. It looks dumb, whatever. I have been in this prison since 1989. I haven’t seen sunlight in eight years and I have been beaten with rifle butts more times than I have gone to the bathroom. But yes, the new card design is a pressing issue I am worried about.”

Sgt. Thomas Wilkerson echoed Chang’s sentiments as he patrolled for Al Quaeda forced in Eastern Afghanistan. “Clearly this is some sort of joke, right? I mean they are really getting rid of the fantasy element in the game.” As he made these comments, Sgt. Wilkerson pushed the reporter to the ground and returned fire across the barren desert. Over the cross fire he said that the new design “reminded him of Yu-Gi-Oh cards.”

Clearly, then, the new design is a pressing concern for all of humanity, and not just self-involved losers with nothing more important to occupy their time. With broad support from all walks of life, as seen in these interviews, the WotC hegemony will surely have to change their plans.

Ric_Flair a.k.a. Master of Controversy

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Washington, D.C. -- With the announcement of a new design for Magic cards people all over the world have risen up in protest. American nerds and computer programmers with nothing better to worry about are clearly not alone in feeling personally slighted by the radical changes.

“I really need some food. I haven’t eaten a non-gruel meal in like 2 ½ years,” said Djerati Kambela, a farmer in the driest regions of the dusty, war torn country of Ethiopia. “Seriously, I am so hungry I am delusional. Everyone I look at just turns into a big mouth watering ham hock.”

When asked about the new card design Kambela replied: “What? What is Magic? Is that some kind of new poker? Sure, the cards looks stupid, but then again you look like a talking glazed turkey to me.”

Similar opinions were expressed all over the world.

When asked about the new card design imprisoned Chinese democracy protester Chin Wei Chang had this to say: “Sure, sure. It looks dumb, whatever. I have been in this prison since 1989. I haven’t seen sunlight in eight years and I have been beaten with rifle butts more times than I have gone to the bathroom. But yes, the new card design is a pressing issue I am worried about.”

Sgt. Thomas Wilkerson echoed Chang’s sentiments as he patrolled for Al Quaeda forced in Eastern Afghanistan. “Clearly this is some sort of joke, right? I mean they are really getting rid of the fantasy element in the game.” As he made these comments, Sgt. Wilkerson pushed the reporter to the ground and returned fire across the barren desert. Over the cross fire he said that the new design “reminded him of Yu-Gi-Oh cards.”

Clearly, then, the new design is a pressing concern for all of humanity, and not just self-involved losers with nothing more important to occupy their time. With broad support from all walks of life, as seen in these interviews, the WotC hegemony will surely have to change their plans.

Ric_Flair a.k.a. Master of Controversy

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!