Madison, Wisconsin - On a day that is sure to live in infamy, amateur player Barac Jacobsen got manascrewed during the deciding game of a type 2 match last Wednesday at Misty Mountain Games and Diversions. The resulting loss, which pushed Jacobsen out of the top 8 of the weekly Friday Night Magic tournament, has resulted in a tidal wave of responses from around the world offering condolences for the 16-year-old's poor luck.

According to witnesses, Jacobsen, who once made top 8 at a PTQ, was visibly upset for many minutes following the loss, loudly cursing his luck and the game of Magic as a whole for the entire time until his parents came to pick him up from the tournament site. Given this drastic reaction, Jacobsen's manascrew is being called one of the most important and tragic occurrences in the past 500 years of world history.

Reporters flocked to the scene to cover the event, prompting store owner Steve Port to issue the following statement: "While from a business perspective we are always looking for publicity, we didn't want it like this," said Port. "You never like to see a player that traumatized. And I think that it is fair to say that, based on the amount of self-pity and whining involved, [Jacobsen] is the only player in the entire history of Magic to ever get manahosed."

In an overwhelming display of support and sympathy, flags around the nation will be flown at half-staff to commemorate the tragic event. An emergency White House press conference saw President Bush offer condolences to the embattled Wisconsin player: "It is crucial that dialogue is generated between the two sides if there is to be any hope of peace between Israelis and Palestinians. Now, more than ever, it is a time for unity in the face of escalating global conflict." Sources assured reporters that the President had intended to address Jacobsen's unfortunate manascrew, but did not because of time constraints. The President is also reportedly planning a trip to Jacobsen's hometown of Appleton to speak personally to those affected by the tragedy.

Top US news journals such as 60 Minutes and Frontline have reportedly contacted Jacobsen to discuss his tragic tale. However, support for Jacobsen is not limited to just this country. Leaders and citizens across the world took time out of their regular schedules to speak on this event of historic importance. "My people, we are starving," said Sudan resident and Magic enthusiast Ndaiye Mkokwe at a press conference regarding the manascrew. "We have had nothing to eat since the weeds that grew after the last rainfall, nearly twelve days ago. The bodies of the dead lay wasting on the parched ground because we are too weak to bury them. Soon, there will be none of us left." Mkokwe then began licking and chewing a basic Forest that was lying on the press room table, in what is generally believed to be a symbolic show of support for the plight of Jacobsen.

What makes the event even more tragic is the possibility that the incident could have been avoided. "Dude, I told him to run more than 21 lands," said friend and teammate Tim Simmonds. "And I always told him he should at least pile shuffle between games. But I guess he just has bad luck."

An anonymous MiseTings reader perhaps expressed the prevailing sentiment best: "Cry me a f***ing river," said the deeply sympathetic reader, as he put the finishing touches on a care package of brownies and cookies to be sent to Jacobsen as comfort. "You're shit. Get over yourself."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

Madison, Wisconsin - On a day that is sure to live in infamy, amateur player Barac Jacobsen got manascrewed during the deciding game of a type 2 match last Wednesday at Misty Mountain Games and Diversions. The resulting loss, which pushed Jacobsen out of the top 8 of the weekly Friday Night Magic tournament, has resulted in a tidal wave of responses from around the world offering condolences for the 16-year-old's poor luck.

According to witnesses, Jacobsen, who once made top 8 at a PTQ, was visibly upset for many minutes following the loss, loudly cursing his luck and the game of Magic as a whole for the entire time until his parents came to pick him up from the tournament site. Given this drastic reaction, Jacobsen's manascrew is being called one of the most important and tragic occurrences in the past 500 years of world history.

Reporters flocked to the scene to cover the event, prompting store owner Steve Port to issue the following statement: "While from a business perspective we are always looking for publicity, we didn't want it like this," said Port. "You never like to see a player that traumatized. And I think that it is fair to say that, based on the amount of self-pity and whining involved, [Jacobsen] is the only player in the entire history of Magic to ever get manahosed."

In an overwhelming display of support and sympathy, flags around the nation will be flown at half-staff to commemorate the tragic event. An emergency White House press conference saw President Bush offer condolences to the embattled Wisconsin player: "It is crucial that dialogue is generated between the two sides if there is to be any hope of peace between Israelis and Palestinians. Now, more than ever, it is a time for unity in the face of escalating global conflict." Sources assured reporters that the President had intended to address Jacobsen's unfortunate manascrew, but did not because of time constraints. The President is also reportedly planning a trip to Jacobsen's hometown of Appleton to speak personally to those affected by the tragedy.

Top US news journals such as 60 Minutes and Frontline have reportedly contacted Jacobsen to discuss his tragic tale. However, support for Jacobsen is not limited to just this country. Leaders and citizens across the world took time out of their regular schedules to speak on this event of historic importance. "My people, we are starving," said Sudan resident and Magic enthusiast Ndaiye Mkokwe at a press conference regarding the manascrew. "We have had nothing to eat since the weeds that grew after the last rainfall, nearly twelve days ago. The bodies of the dead lay wasting on the parched ground because we are too weak to bury them. Soon, there will be none of us left." Mkokwe then began licking and chewing a basic Forest that was lying on the press room table, in what is generally believed to be a symbolic show of support for the plight of Jacobsen.

What makes the event even more tragic is the possibility that the incident could have been avoided. "Dude, I told him to run more than 21 lands," said friend and teammate Tim Simmonds. "And I always told him he should at least pile shuffle between games. But I guess he just has bad luck."

An anonymous MiseTings reader perhaps expressed the prevailing sentiment best: "Cry me a f***ing river," said the deeply sympathetic reader, as he put the finishing touches on a care package of brownies and cookies to be sent to Jacobsen as comfort. "You're shit. Get over yourself."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!