San Diego, CA -- Thousands died today in a terrible tragedy related to an infected crop of California beets. Government officials are still tallying up the death toll, headed by director of disaster operations, Jim Patterson.

"The beets were very, very sick. Sick as hell... dog!" Patterson exclaimed, pointing to a small dog running by. Patterson has been spending his day entering the homes of beet lovers to find them face down in their dinner plates.

"I've never seen so many people's faces smashed," he paused to take a drag of his cigarette, "into their dinner plates. The beets killed nearly instantly, causing any who were unfortunate enough to eat them to have their faces smashed," another pause as he teared up, "right into their dinner plates. Awful, just awful."

An unfortunate side effect of the instantaneous death caused by sick beets was the loss of all bowel and bladder control seconds before death. Doctor Richard Swanson attended area middle schools today to explain this phenomenon to the students.

"As you can see in this diagram, your shit," interrupted by giggling and a single fart, "is released upon death, soiling damn near everything in sight." When he opened up the discussion for questions Swanson was faced with a string of questions asking "who's shit was it again?" to which he would reply a bit annoyed, "Your shit! Your shit! Haven't you been listening?"

MiseTings readers are asked to contribute to the Sick Beets Relief Fund to help the families who have lost so much to these very sick beets.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!

San Diego, CA -- Thousands died today in a terrible tragedy related to an infected crop of California beets. Government officials are still tallying up the death toll, headed by director of disaster operations, Jim Patterson.

"The beets were very, very sick. Sick as hell... dog!" Patterson exclaimed, pointing to a small dog running by. Patterson has been spending his day entering the homes of beet lovers to find them face down in their dinner plates.

"I've never seen so many people's faces smashed," he paused to take a drag of his cigarette, "into their dinner plates. The beets killed nearly instantly, causing any who were unfortunate enough to eat them to have their faces smashed," another pause as he teared up, "right into their dinner plates. Awful, just awful."

An unfortunate side effect of the instantaneous death caused by sick beets was the loss of all bowel and bladder control seconds before death. Doctor Richard Swanson attended area middle schools today to explain this phenomenon to the students.

"As you can see in this diagram, your shit," interrupted by giggling and a single fart, "is released upon death, soiling damn near everything in sight." When he opened up the discussion for questions Swanson was faced with a string of questions asking "who's shit was it again?" to which he would reply a bit annoyed, "Your shit! Your shit! Haven't you been listening?"

MiseTings readers are asked to contribute to the Sick Beets Relief Fund to help the families who have lost so much to these very sick beets.

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!